It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
