porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
