my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
