woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it because I queefed?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
