We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
