its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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