so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
