I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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