i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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