The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
