ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
