I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
