Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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