Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well you can't waste a boner
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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