The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
