my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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