Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
