Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
