I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just pee around me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
