I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
