I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
