I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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