ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
