So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think people are normalizing furries
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
