Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
