Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
