so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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