it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
