All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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