Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
