If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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