Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
