ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
