at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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