He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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