im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
