I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
