"it" just moved
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
