I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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