I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
