last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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