I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
