I wish I only lived at night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
