My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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