my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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