The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
