And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
