At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
