but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
