What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
