I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are a genius and a whore.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
