I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
