Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it's like iHOP with fire
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
