No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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