so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
