We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
