Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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