ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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