he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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