we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
