When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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