He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
