Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
