and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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