Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
